14 Days of Joy came about like everything else I have thought of since Drew died, in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep. It was about a month before his 1st anniversary (which is a really bad word for that day) and I felt like I was drowning. I was drowning in my pain, my what if’s, […]
Get that camera…
There is no better time than now to get that good camera. There will be a time when you want to look back at those pictures of your children, whether you are lucky enough to look back at them when they are grown or whether you look back at them because that is all you have left of your child. […]
Tick Tock…..
It’s 8 days till Drew’s 23rd birthday. I won’t get to sing happy birthday, I won’t be able to make a cake, I won’t be able to hear him making fun of me for having a “kid” that is so old. Oh and how would he have made fun of me. He would have been 23….wow. That is full on […]
How long ago…..
August 5, 2015 was…… 2 years 6 months 916 days 131 weeks 30 months 21,984 hours 1,319,040 minutes 79,142,400 seconds Ago. For me it feels like that Alan Jackson song “Where were you when the world stopped turning”. This is the date my world stopped turning. The date is etched deeply on my soul. I remember exactly what I was […]
One more year…..
I sit down at the computer to write and my mind wanders. It wanders to all corners that are buffered. I hide from the edges, the edges hurt. The edges of my thoughts cut right to my core. We started another year, which to a parent that has lost a child it is one more year that your child is […]
Aroma or scents…
Recently I was told I need to meditate. That if I could clear my mind from all the clutter of my everyday stuff I would be able to connect with Drew more. I’m not a meditating kind of girl. I’ve tried before and I end up just think of several hundred more things that I should be doing. I don’t […]
Unfinished Life…
There are so many things that suck about losing a child. You have so many regrets and wishes and dreams that won’t be fulfilled. Each time they handed me my brand new babies for the first time I snuggled them close and smelled their wonderful new smell. I also whispered all my hopes and dreams for them. I hoped that […]
The whole novel….
I haven’t written a post in a long time. I think I have been trying to keep myself super busy that way I don’t have time to think of all I have lost this year. Wow….it’s almost been a year. This has been the longest year of my life and the shortest. I have been dreading the year anniversary. It […]
One More Moment…..
I just need one more moment with Drew. I don’t have nearly enough pictures. I don’t have nearly enough moments with him. I need more. I want more. I wasn’t done making our moments. If I had known that my time was so short I would have done more. I would have said more. I would have savored the moments […]
Memories
You don’t realize how precious your memories are till one of the pieces of you heart dies. When they die all you have left is memories of the past because there is no future. There is not going to be another birthday or Christmas. I really wish I wasn’t the one in charge of the memories. My memory is pretty […]