There just isn’t enough time to do all the things I Need to do. I’m pretty sure most people but mostly Moms feel this also. You have to be everything to everybody and there just isn’t enough time. I think you feel the slipping of time a little more when you have lost a child. You notice the ticking of the months and years a little louder than most. There are days when I feel like losing Drew has made me realize and appreciate how little time you have on this earth. Nothing is ever given or promised and you need to make the most of the time you are given.
The flip side of that coin is that you know exactly how much time has passed since your child died. You have this internal clock counting down for you. It has been 609 Days 14 hours and 41 minutes since Drew died. 610 days since I heard his voice. 610 days since I saw those beautiful blue eyes.
I keep myself so incredibly busy. Sometimes this happens because I can’t possible spend a moment in my own head and sometimes this happens just because I am working mom, wife, and student. There are days especially lately, that I feel like I am not only burning my candle at both ends but now it has started burning in the middle because it is nowhere else for it to go. I know that if I slow down then I have time to think and that is not something I want to do right now.
So, for now, I will race against the clock and get done as much as I can and hope that I can keep up.
The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once-