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It’s another Christmas Eve without Drew. I have been crying off and on for 3 days. I haven’t slept a full nights sleep in 3 weeks. There is no other way to describe how I feel besides broken. My heart hurts. My heart hurts for my girls, for my Mom, for Grandmother that has lost so many. My heart hurts for all the people that knew Drew and loved him. It hurts for all the people that should have known him but didn’t have the chance.

Drew loved Christmas and I loved making it magical for them. I loved seeing the looks on his and Madi’s faces when they would wake up Christmas morning and see what Santa brought them. The rule in our house was once you told me you don’t believe Santa wouldn’t bring you any special gifts. Drew was too sweet to ruin the magic for his sisters. He made sure that he showed he believed just as strongly as they did. He always helped Madi with her letters to Santa. He continued doing that with Molly. Madi was sweet this year and helped Molly with her letter. I hope Santa hears their wishes. I know I can’t have what I truly want bur I will do my best to make sure the girls feel the spirit of Christmas even though I am not feeling it.

There was one time that Santa forgot to come to our house. Drew was 4 and Madi was about 6 months old. Drew was too excited and would not go to sleep. He finally fell asleep around 2am. Well Santa fell asleep too. I work up to Drew crying that morning saying he must have been a bad boy because Santa forgot him. I was horrified and felt horrible. I told him it may have been because he wouldn’t go to sleep. Santa can’t stop at the house if the children aren’t asleep. I told him I need to use the bathroom and when I got done we would figure out where Santa left the gifts. I went to the bathroom and called my Mom in tears telling her what happened. We came up with the plan that she would come through the back and I would hand off the gifts to her and she would set them up at her house. It’s amazing how fast you can move when you think your child’s dream is about to be crushed. Within 15 minutes my Mom calls Drew all excited that Santa must have stopped at her house instead. You should have seen the look on his face. He realized that Santa did not forget him. I wish I had taken a picture of that look. From that point on I never had a hard time getting Drew or Madi to go to sleep on Christmas Eve.

My hope for you and yours is you can keep the magic. Keep the magic even when you don’t want to. That is the time when you need to do it more. Merry Christmas to you from all of us. Keep all those that is missing someone this season in your thoughts. Give them a call or message and let them know you are thinking of them.

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