Drew was my first child with that being said I had no idea what to expect. I never knew the amount of love that could from me for one little person. I also could not imagine how little sleep I would get with Drew around.

Drew never slept. You may think I am exaggerating and I may, but it sure did feel like it. He had colic, he was also one of those babies that could not sleep if he wasn’t being held or touched. I think some of that had to do that he was our first and there were times when the wonder of him would make me pick him up and love on him. Oh the perils of a first child. Drew was my “practice” child as some people may call it. We tried everything for him to sleep. We would rock him, sing to him, bounce him and it seemed nothing would work. The moment we would lay him in his crib his little blue eyes would pop open and then the tears would start. When he was about 4 months I found a miracle device. A continuous playing tape recorder. We would record us during the day talking and going about our business and then when it was time to lay him down turn the recording on and viola we had him fooled. He would sleep for a glorious 4 hours at a time.

Everyone kept telling us that as he got older he would sleep better. Nope, that didn’t happen. For one he didn’t like to be alone, the other thing was he was positive we were doing all the fun stuff when he went to bed. From the time he was in a “big” bed I would find him all over the house in the morning. I don’t think there was a time I ever found him in his room in his bed. He would get out of bed and toddle to whatever spot would make him comfortable for the night. He would hardly ever wake up in the same spot. I would find him in the living room, hallway, bathroom and even one time in the kitchen.

Drew battled with ear infections his whole life. He ended up losing quite a bit of his hearing because of them. That was one of the major reasons sleep was a battle he would get an infection and get restless. I think he also was just more comfortable on the floor. We went through so many different kinds of beds an mattresses to find one that would keep him in place. When he got to be a teenager he stayed more in his room but he would still sleep in the strangest positions. The family joke was what position was Drew sleeping in today. His favorite position was sleeping on his knees with his head on the bed. More times than not this was the position he would end up in.

I talked to many Dr’s about his sleeping patterns, They would all tell me that he would grow out of it. That eventually his body will want sleep and he will sleep. A few years ago we took him for a sleep study. The problem with those sleep studies is that you aren’t comfortable. It’s hard to sleep in a room you don’t know while you are connected to all sorts of wires. Drew did not sleep for the study, he was all over the room. The techs laughed at the positions he would get himself in to sleep. The sleep study Dr diagnosed him with restless leg syndrome and restless sleep pattern. They never said he had sleep-apnea nor did they suggest we come back and try the study again. I think if they did Drew wouldn’t have done it again. He gripped for weeks about that study.

Since Drew had such issues sleeping he took a job as a night auditor at a motel. It worked for him because he would stay up all night and sleep during the day. He enjoyed being up when no one else was. I can understand that. There is a calm to the earth at 3 in the morning that isn’t there any other time of the day.

As the weeks have gone on from when Drew died I keep going back to the fact that he died in his sleep. I find this so ironic that of all things sleep is what got him. As a mother you have regrets and until I have answers I will always think I didn’t do enough to protect him.

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