They keep saying that there is no wrong way to grieve. That your body will know what it needs to do. Hmm… I’m not so sure about that. I know that there are times I have no control over when I am going to cry. I have no control over how many times a day Drew passes my mind. There […]
The First Christmas
Here it is Christmas Eve. The stockings are hung, stories were read, and cookies were left out. The kids have gone to bed and it’s on to the real work for parents on Christmas Eve. I sit here thinking of Christmas’ past and start to tear up. All the Christmas’ I spent staying up all night putting together “easy […]
Lifelines
This week has been so hard. The lights, the hustle and the bustle, the knowing I will not see his face Christmas morning. I had been able to push it all aside to get things done till Sunday. I’m sitting in church and they are singing the most beautiful songs and it hit me. My son is gone, dead, never […]
Floating
The Holidays are in high gear. I see the people running around like crazy looking for the perfect gift for their loved ones. I see the excited looks on the children’s faces as the excitement of the holiday starts to crescendo. But I feel as if I am floating through it all. I’m trying to go through the motions. I […]
4 Long Months
Yesterday it had been 4 long months since I saw his smiling face. It has been 4 long months since I got a text from him asking how my day is going. It’s been 4 long months since he got to pick on Madison and make her holler that he was squishing her. It’s been 4 long months since he […]
One Down….
Well we got through Thanksgiving. My husband did all the cooking, I think he was worried all my tears would make the food too salty. He did a fantastic job. He even managed to not put football on so I wouldn’t have one more reminder. Our Thanksgivings have never been large. It’s usually just us, the kids and my Mom […]
Gratitude Part II
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. It’s the start of the Holiday season. For our family it the start of the “firsts” without Drew. This will be our first Thanksgiving without Drew. No matter how many times I say those words I have problems with the true knowledge of that sinking in. It can’t be possible that I will never again cook a […]
Gratitude Part One
November is the month of Thankfulness and Gratitude. When you are in your journey grief its easy to not see the good around you. I will admit I have this problem too. I get too wrapped up in the emotions in my head to be able to see past it. Then there are those times you look and you see […]
Anger
Oh man I woke up early this morning so angry. I am angry at having to go on without Drew. I am angry that I even have to think about the holidays right now. Oh how I can list the ways of how I am angry and I just may. I know they say anger is a part of the […]
Preparing
If anyone knows me they know I like to plan things early. I will start planning parties months ahead of time because I hate to feel like I am running behind. I love to plan things, I love to make sure everything for the event is as perfect as I can get it. Now it doesn’t always work out that […]